Hehe Here's Some Funny Sex Jokes For Ya

*~*VASELINE SALESMAN*~*
One day while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful young housewife.
“Hello,” he starts, “I’m doing some research for a petroleum jelly manufacturer. Have you ever used the product?”
“Yes. My husband and I use it during sex,” she answers.
The researcher is taken aback. “Um, er, I admire you for your honesty,” he continues. “Can you tell me exactly how you use it?”
“Sure, we put it on the doorknob so the kids can’t get in.”

*~*CUSTOMER RETURNS*~*
A woman goes into Wal-Mart and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it doesn’t work.
The clerk tells her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special.
All of a sudden, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming!
"GRAB MY BREASTS! GRAB MY BREASTS!
The clerk, not knowing what to do, runs to get the store manager. The manager comes up to the Woman and asks, "What’s wrong?"
She explains the situation with the toaster.
He tells her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming,
"GRAB MY BREASTS! GRAB MY BREASTS!"
In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma’am, why are saying you that?"
In a huff, the woman says,
"BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY BREASTS GRABBED WHEN I’M GETTING SCREWED

*~*PICKLE SLICER*~*
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What’s wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn’t." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh… she got fired too."

*~*FRIEND’S WIFE*~*
One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry’s house to play cards with some friends.
Mike sat directly across from Terry’s wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across the table he saw that Terry’s wife had her legs open and no panties on. He sat up and was flushed.
He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise Terry’s wife had followed him into the kitchen and said, " Did you like what you saw?" Mike said "Yes I did." She said, Well you can get more than that but it will cost you $500." So Mike thought about this financial situation and said, "O.K." She said, "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then." Mike said, "I’ll see you then."
The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left. Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today" She said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did." Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with you."

*~*Breast Biting*~*
A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?
"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let’s go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much……………"

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